Film Review: The Hunger Games (2012)
My friend Tom asked for my review of this new movie, so here it is.
This master class in How Not To Shoot a Film features constant and unnecessary extreme closeups, few or no establishing shots, and that villain you love to hate, Shaky Cam. The movie is about Catnips, an impoverished 1930s Appalachian girl who discovers she's actually living in the future. She enjoys shooting stuff with arrows and crouching in the rain outside a bakery. One day she, along with a boy named Peter who once threw bread at her, wins the lottery and gets a trip to the Big City. Their tour guide is a drunk guy named Hamish who is a rogue at first and then warms up to them, kind of like a blonde Han Solo I guess?
The city of Cosplay turns out to be populated by fans who enjoy dressing up and dyeing their hair like their favorite anime characters. Catnips worries she won't be able to shoot arrows in the city, and Peter wishes he could throw heavy things, so Hamish gets them into a forest resort where they can feel more at home. Unfortunately it turns out to be gang territory, so Catnips and Peter have to fight the mean kids to get home again. Plus they stumble into an illegal dog-fighting ring and get attacked by the pitbulls.
Also featuring Lenny Kravitz and the always unwelcome Woody Harrelson as themselves, The Hunger Games is fun on a bun! I rate it a solid B+ except for all the scenes where I couldn't see what the fuck was happening on screen because of the goddamned shaky camera. Recommended!
Note: Some viewers (or "readers" if you can believe those still exist) have noted The Hunger Games' similarity to the Japanese book & movie, Battle Royale. Author Suzanne Collins assures us, "I had never heard of that book or that author until my book was turned in. At that point, it was mentioned to me, and I asked my editor if I should read it. He said: 'No, I don't want that world in your head. Just continue with what you're doing.' " When asked why so many stories have utilized those same ideas she explained, "I think most adults just agree that teenagers suck and we'd like to see them die in horrible ways."
Oscar Movie Ketchup
My best friend Josh shames me in the blogging department. This man is so dedicated he shirks his job responsibilities to post on a near-daily basis. How awesome is that? So I am shamed into posting more often, and thus you get this
Oscar Movie Catch-Up Post
I watched the Oscars on Sunday evening. Possibly the most toothless one I've ever seen in 2 decades of watching them. Billy Crystal has no eyebrows and looks like somebody's Chinese grandma, and his "jokes" could have been stolen from an old Jackie Mason special. And moreso than they always do anyway, this Oscars had a shit-ton of talking head actors (including Jonah Hill and Adam Sandler??) talking about the magic of movies. Personally, I don't think you get to tell the public that what you do is Special and Magical and Important. The public decides that. It was godawful.
Re: Billy Crystal's blackface moment. I'm sure folks' mileage will vary depending on whether they grew up with Crystal's Sammy Davis Jr. impression, etc. I wasn't offended, just surprised he and the Academy would take the chance in this day and age. I would assume that in 2012 someone would err on the side of caution and just nix a comedy bit like that entirely.
I decided to catch up with some of the nominees I'd missed as well. So far...
The Artist: This won the lion's share of awards, I think? Holy crow, it is a LOOOONG 90 minutes. My friend Pam expertly pointed out that it would've been a more enjoyable watch with a better score, since without dialogue, the music is carrying the film on its shoulders more than usual. And this score won the Oscar? Hmm. As for the story itself, I recently watched the OSS films so I'm familiar with Jean Dujardin and like his rugged smarm, but his love interest Peppy was the real draw here. Jean's character's descent from star to pauper took ages and kept hitting the same notes over and over. Not enough story for feature length? You tell me.
Muppets: I think this was weighed down by the uber-enjoyment of the 4 people I watched it with, who'd seen it already. They got my expectations through the roof, and it ain't exactly The Muppet Movie. But I enjoyed it, corny humor and all. The guy from Flight of the Conchords wrote some winning songs and the cameos were pretty good. As many on the net have written, I think the "new" muppet Walter is kind of weak, but I guess that's the point...he's meant to be an everyman. Biggest letdown, as always, were the voices. Brian Henson's Kermit still sounds like Jim Henson recovering from a chest ailment, and that brings to mind depressing thoughts every time. And the new non-Frank Oz version of Miss Piggy is waaayyyy off-model here. You know how I would've cast the voices? Get fans to upload their auditions to YouTube. I guarantee that somewhere out there are fans who can perfectly duplicate that classic Kermit and Piggy, as well as all the rest. Hell, that's how Journey found a Steve Perry clone...they found some South American tribute act with a dead ringer on vocals and got in contact with him. Anyway, lame griping aside, Muppets was a lot of fun and finally got the bad taste out of my mouth from Muppets In Space. More Muppets please!
Hugo: Saw this in 2D, sadly, but I still loved it. Sets, costumes, cinematography, plot...everything worked for me. (spoilers:) At first I was incredibly annoyed that Scorsese went with the STRONG blue/orange palette for everything. I felt like I was watching an Underworld sequel and I started to get mighty grumpy. Then all the colors came flooding in when they went into Melies' cinematic world, and I understood that it was a choice on Scorsese's part, and I was completely with it. I assumed the blu-ray would contain all of the Georges Melies flicks they show parts of in Hugo. After all, these silent classics are now firmly in the Public Domain after all these years, and they're central to the film's narrative. Yet I hear NONE of them are included in the extras, just a little featurette on Melies. Unconscionable! Consider me peeved all over again. Sigh.
Found Item: “Dear Jim”
This is quite the letter. From the paper and the vocabulary I'd say it's from the 1940s or 1950s. I found it in 2009, in the back of the garage of my old apartment building. I wonder if it might be to or from my elderly landlord at the time, but it never came up in conversation.
Dear Jim;
Ya, it's me again. Ain't I doing good? Please excuse the paper but it's are I can get here in school.
Yesterday, May 15; we went to Concord for a track meet and did we get beat. But on the other hand they shore have swell dames and speaking of those things I was robed. It all started this way; I was walking along with a girl and a boy trips me up so my shoes fell off, [I] get in a squat position and a Concord man snaps both the straps that hold up my pants and then another one walks off with my girl
[letter ends there]
Found Item: Shopping List
Found this in 2009 at the supermarket. Deliberate misspellings or the list of a dunce? The former, I'm guessing.
Found Item: “I Am a Poop”
A couple years ago I found this odd note (homework assignment?) here in town but have no idea what it really means.
Found Item: Big Variety
In 2009 I spotted this poster hanging on a bulletin board at the local KFC/Taco Bell. It's like Krytpos Section 4 for idiots.
Found Item: An old Swedish Poem
Found stuck in an old picture frame I bought at a book & antiques shop in summer 2004. According to an online friend of mine, "I thought it might be some very strangely written Norwegian at first, but it's not, as older Norwegian poems are more Danish than Swedish. Totally Danish in fact, so I would be much better at Danish poems. (on the other hand, a poem from 1959 would probably be either Riksmål, Bokmål or Nynorsk, hum) But enough about that...I'll try to translate, but I'm not too good at Swedish poems..."
25. Octobre 1959
Today, when you make a year
You get a bouquet of flowers
For the flowers' bud
Up we hop
To wish you all well
Good health, happiness without measure
Now we lift our glasses
And we shout out loud --
Hooray! Hooray! Hooray!
"This translation is very direct, on a word to word basis. I didn't try to twist it all to rhyme (which is the sole purpose of some of these lines, I think). This is just a happy birthday poem. Very typical happy birthday poem I think. Some of the expressions here are very Swedish, so I would have a hard time translating them, that's why I translated more word by word. The two first sentences are alright, aren't they? The second and fourth I don't understand at all. I can't see what the writer meant! I guess a real Swede would understand it a little better, but to me... It might be two sentences made just for rhyme. The fifth and sixth are is like the merry merry christmas of the Swedish (and Norwegian, for that matter) birthdays. The seventh is a better way of saying 'cheers.' This is obviously a birthday card. I can't say with certainity whether it is from friends or family, but even for Swedes, this card is a little too *doesn't find the right word* to come from friends, I think."
Found Item: When Sumner Arrives
Here's a note I found lying next to my car in April 2005. Pretty self-explanatory. I blanked out part of the phone number.
Words for Meat
As you're no doubt aware, the English language's propensity to mine other languages unnecessarily for words has created situations where we use multiple words for the same thing. Case in point: rather than just saying "I'm eating cow tonight," or "let's cook up some pig," we have Meat Words such as these:
Pig meat = ham, pork, bacon
Cow meat = beef, hamburger
Deer meat = venison
To that end, I have come up with more meat words so the next time you eat dinner you won't have to be all gauche and say, "This chicken is delicious!" Thank me later, philistines.
Chicken meat = crim
Duck meat = jubroodle
Fish meat = splenulack
Buffalo meat = frokkvor
Ostrich meat = gooch
Alligator meat = higgle
Turkey meat = poskitosh
I expect to see these in every restaurant menu and cookbook from now on. Soon you'll hear delighted comments like, "By the gods, this poskitosh is downright succulent!" and "I know you said it's salmon, but this splenulack tastes just like frokkvor!"