You know, when you choose an e-mail address like mine, you don't really expect people to accidentally type in your address instead of their friend. I mean, it's not like I picked john@hotmail.com, right? How many people know (or care) what the phrase "escape velocity" is? Apparently, more than one might think. In the past few years, I've received a lot of mail meant for other people's eyes but somehow aimed at mine instead. Now, in the interest of evil, I present a few favorites so you can laugh at or worry about these people like I did. (Spelling and grammar remain as they were. Return addresses have been removed so you guys can't harass the senders...or warn them about this site!)

• ISO Shaun Hulsizer: #1 - Searching for that special someone...


• staaaaaaar: #2 - Allie apologizes to Star. On behalf of Star, thanks.


• sicksick I shouldnt want to exist: #3 - This is about as intense as I care for my e-mail to get. It's obvious from this that Allie has severe problems with anorexia and issues of self-worth. Something about that subject line has always intrigued me, though.


• hey bro: #4 - This is a brilliant little missive from the hand of a guy named Steven who apparently wants to be a "fuction climber". Sounds dirty, where do I sign up?


• me paru begging sorry to u: #5 - This is an interesting one because it's apparently from Nepal. Oddly, when I signed up for MSN messenger awhile back, some Nepalese folks kept trying to add me to their Buddies List. Coincidence? We may never know for sure.


• i love hello kitty: #6 - My friend has a free e-mail account through hellokitty.com, and messages like this occasionally just show up in his inbox. Apparently people like this girl can send mail to everyone on the site? Very odd indeed.
• Hello my dear!!!: #7 - For some unknown reason, my friend has been receiving a lot of letters from Russian women lately. It may have something to do with his willingness to chat with anyone online. Maybe these hopeful mail-order brides are looking for the big capitalist payday in an American husband. The point is, their e-mails are hilarious. Spelling-wise they're on the ball but the grammar looks like it's been through the spin cycle. A bad computer translation program? Fake writers trying to purposely mangle the English language to lull the unwary reader into a false sense of security? Judge for yourself.

If someone has accidentally sent an e-mail to you, and you have no idea who they are, feel free to send it my way and I'll post it here, giving credit to you of course. Thanks!